sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
