just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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