By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
should my penis look like a turkey
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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