She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
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