wanna go halves on a baby?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
