i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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