Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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