At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
where are my eyebrows?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
