I'm really into asian looking animals
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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