covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
