Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
