she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
