i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
