I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
