We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
