Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
