i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
