If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Your penis caused this!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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