and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
