4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
