I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
