and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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