she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
