Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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