Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I bet he comes in French.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
