if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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