idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
