Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize