im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
