There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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