God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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