I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
false alarm, still single
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