She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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