Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
