Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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