I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
