Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
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