I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
