Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
