i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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