You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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