He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
