he thought i was a dude.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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