Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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