A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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