Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
