Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
