can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
