i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
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