my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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