She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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