he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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