seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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