Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
