As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I enjoy the company of your penis
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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