She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize