You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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