Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
