Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
