dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Couch. On fire.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
