i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
