I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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