Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
