If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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