I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
